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Black Xmas

December 23, 2011

The old saying goes that if you don’t have anything nice to say then don’t say it at all and I say fuck off!

Let’s see, the holiday is this weekend and I’m just full of Christmas cheer.  I’m lying of course.  I’ll have to venture out into that fucking rat race today and I know someones going to push me over the edge.  Bring it on baby!

I’ve never been one for the Christmas holiday in the first place.  It’s just another holiday that reminds me of how much I don’t have and don’t give me that bullshit on how I should reflect on what I do have and be grateful. I don’t want to spend money I don’t have.  I don’t want to look at your snot nosed kid opening a Christmas present that’ll be in the garbage next month.  I don’t want to see another asshole wearing a Santa hat at Walmart.  I don’t want to see the person out front the store ringing a bell looking for a donation as I try to avoid eye contact.  I don’t want to see another car with a Xmas wreath on its grille.  I don’t want to see another video of someone’s house with the insane holiday lights that they’ll keep up until Summer.  I don’t want to see another cookie that I’ll be dieting off all the next year.  I don’t want to say Merry Christmas to anyone and mean it. I don’t want to watch QVC and see that I could get a chocolate cake for 60 bucks including shipping.  I don’t want to see another celebrity celebrating the holiday in a ten-thousand dollar evening gown or how they had a decorator come in and trick out their house.  And I don’t want to ruin the decor of my home with cheap holiday crap!

What I do want is the new Playstation Vita that’s being released in February and ten-million dollars.  Oh, and I want to be able to kill assholes legally with my new laser gun!  Yea!

All kidding aside, I’m just not a holiday person and that probably goes back to the shit holidays I had as a kid. If I had my way I’d be giving out new cars instead of baking something because I can’t afford to buy actual gifts for anyone.  I still would avoid eye contact with anyone while out shopping just because I like to be left alone when I’m out there.  I would eat tons of cookies and crap if I could get a chef in here who could turn sushi into chocolate.  I would love a holiday in Vermont during a blizzard.  I still wouldn’t come to your house and pretend how pretty it is.  I would buy that cake on QVC only because money doesn’t matter. I still don’t want to see your kid opening presents. And Santa hats still suck.  I want world peace and an Earth with no borders and no phony bullshit.  Merry Christmas…I think.


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