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May 11, 2012

What’s Got Hollywood Jim all ready to spit and cuss?  How about my own goddamn fears that are putting up a roadblock too my success?  It’s true, I’m my own worse enemy and I recognize this. What are my fears?  Success, love, being left behind, and turning 49 this June!  How’s that?  Am I afraid of success?  My fear is that I won’t be good enough or that I won’t be able to handle what’s put before me.  My fear concerning love is that I will not ever find it and that maybe I’m not worthy of it.  As for the turning 49 this year it’s that I won’t have enough time to do it all before I’m some old fart being sexually abused at a retirement home.


So, as I sit here at my office in the public library I wonder if I still have it, as my heart thumps in my chest. I think I still have that fire inside me that over the last 3 years has been burning down to a slow ember.  What makes me passionate and gets me so mad I want to jump and ask if you’re all getting it?   The question is am I still getting it?


It wasn’t long ago I started wondering if aliens exist…the green and gray kind that is.  It seemed at the time that I was getting a lot of people coming into my orbit that were sharing close encounters.  I was curious. I wanted answers and if a green motherfucker was out there I wanted proof because I was gonna sing like a rat betraying his mob crew.  I feel your pain Renee! (Mob Wife) Anyway, I never did get an answer on the green topic, but what I did get was a definite who cares!   If they exist fine and if they don’t and it’s your reality creating this existence of the green, then so be it.  Who am I too judge?  If anything it did make me wonder that if one person is genuinely insane and others follow then there are a whole lot of crazy people out there who maybe aren’t nuts, but are they any more nuts than I am?  No.  They are just people living the dream and marching to a different drummer.


That said…I’m deciding that my reality contains no green or gray beings, my government has my best interest at hand and I’m living the dream in Monterey, California!  Yeah baby!


So, do I still have it?  How’s this: Obama endorses gay marriage!  Whoo Hoo….whoooo cares!  Not me and I’m gayer than gay, but I also don’t believe in the politics of it all either.  Obama endorses it because it’s a grasp at hopefully getting re-elected which won’t happen even if she…I mean he, has the gay vote.  That said and most agree to the political move on his part, but it still doesn’t mean shit.  Federal government is always changing something in the constitution anyway so what’s the point?  It’s legal today and illegal tomorrow.  I’m more interested in getting America back on the fast track to world dominance.  No more farming jobs out overseas, make gas cheap or give me a subsidy to keep my tank filled, make health care free to all…okay, not all because I want those crumbs in congress and corporate America to pay. Do you get my drift?  It’s okay to be gay, but I can only be gay if I can afford to do what I want to do which means driving two hours and and wasting a tank of gas that I can afford!  Think club.  So, it may be legal to wed your same sex partner soon, but does it really change anything?  Besides, straight people are becoming the minority (ask John Travolta) just like white people so hang a bit….try out that pretty in pink dress your wife would love and plan that gay marriage to the pastor of your church….it’s all good Mary!


Yup…I got it…legally or not!


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